Choices for the Mother of a Son with Mental Illness

I could…

Cut a slit and peel back the dewy blanket of grass.

Crawl beneath the sod, pulling its cover over my head.

Let the earth, warm with the spring sun, heal my ache.

Stand on the street corner and rage-scream at the traffic. 

Fall to my knees, gutted by panic’s sharp knife.

Run fast and far, a rabbit fleeing the the rabid dog.

Climb to the jagged peak of understanding.

Know too little and too much.

Cover the wounds with powder and blush.

Bargain with the Devil, make a deal with God.

Open the cupboard of my chest.

Squeeze my heart, bring it back to life.

Knock gently on his door, wait for the invitation.

Ask, How are you today? Prepare his favorite foods.

Tell him he is loved. Hold him as he weeps.

Published in The Healing Muse, Fall 2021